Saturday, December 29, 2012

A word on the "detox bath"

After a few moments on Pinterest I had the brilliant idea to try out the detox bath. I'd heard of this before, I may have even tried it out once. But this time I was following all the directions to a T. Mix Epsom salt, baking soda, and ginger; use the hottest water you can handle; spend at least 20, preferably 40, minutes in the tub.
I put my deep conditioner in my hair, prepared the water, turned on Pandora, and mixed in the "detoxifiers." Set my timer for 33 minutes, didn't think I could handle 40, and calculated that 7 songs should be about how long I'd need (7 songs at approx 5 min each). I'm a goal kinda person so being able to count down would help.

Here's how it went ...
Song 1 done - "ok, this is nice, relaxing, peaceful."

Mid song 2 - "I'm getting bored, how do people enjoy this? What else should I be doing? What do I want for dinner. Wow this is hot. It feels stuffy. Kinda like the sauna. The doctor said a sauna would be good for me."

Song 3 starts - "I'm almost half way done! No ... That can't be right ..."

Song 4 - "I put on Brooke Fraser, why is Greenday playing? Am I suffocating? Am I passing out? How many songs left?"

Mid song 5 - "I can't take it. I'm dying. My heart is beating in my shoulders, how does that even work??"

Song 6 starts - "1 more. I can do it. I can do it. If I just sit up for half the song, I'll be ok. I'll leave my feet in hands in, they release the most toxins, I think I read that somewhere?"

Song 7 starts - "this is it - 4-5 more minutes! I'll just look at the timer to make sure. 8 minutes left?! What?! I'm melting."

Song 8 starts - "ok - you've done this far, you can keep going. Stay submerged. Stay submerged. Toxins leaving. Leaving leaving. And praise the Lord!!!! It's done! My heart is beating in my neck now. That's so weird."

"They said stand up slow. Standing slowly. Starting the cold shower. Heart beating in brain. What the heck? Is this what detoxifying feels like? Why didn't I drink water? I think they said drink lots of water. I knew I forgot something, the water. Ok rinse hair. Rinse body. Nooooppppe don't fall over. Water off. Getting out. Ok. Detoxified? Cleaner? I guess 'cleansed?'"

Morals of the story, when doing a detox bath ...
*Drink water
*Calculate number of songs correctly
*Be prepared to be more ADD than you've ever dreamed possible
*DRINK WATER

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